Freaking out

I feel like an outcast, standing In my suit at work. Overdressed. Sticking out putting this face on; confident when I feel anything but.
I feel like a freak in Starbucks despite their surprised smiles and politeness.
I know these are my projections.
I suppose it’s habit.
Survival.
To have these thoughts and fear the worst.
This is who I am but I feel so markedly different.
I feel chased.
Pursued.
Bullied.
Fuck work. Fuck that line manager. Fuck their open headed diversity claims that come to nothing when you live it and breathe it and receive no support or acknowledgement in anything other than empty phrases someone uses for promotion while still telling you it’s weird.
That I’m weird.
I find myself editing who I am. Not packing. To try to appease others around me.
I am largely incapable of acknowledging my own needs and wants.
Out of fear.
How do other people cope?